


Dental Dilemmas

by gray_zelle



Series: Love And Squalezkaban: Collection #1 [11]
Category: A Series Of Unfortunate Events (Netflix)
Genre: (nothing harsh), F/F, dental procedures mt, dentist mt, drugs mt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29858298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gray_zelle/pseuds/gray_zelle
Summary: Olivia picks up Jacquelyn from the dentists to find she's acting a little strange. She and Esmé try to help her get home without any dramas.
Relationships: Jacquelyn Scieszka/Esmé Squalor, Olivia Caliban/Esmé Squalor, Olivia Caliban/Jacquelyn Scieszka, Olivia Caliban/Jacquelyn Scieszka/Esmé Squalor
Series: Love And Squalezkaban: Collection #1 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592197
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Dental Dilemmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LemonsandRosemary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonsandRosemary/gifts), [msariadneoliver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/msariadneoliver/gifts), [kitsnicketts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitsnicketts/gifts).



One Friday afternoon, on Olivia’s day off, the Penthouse’s phones rang out of nowhere. Olivia answered to a receptionist from Darwen Dental Surgery; she wasn’t too helpful, but at least informed Olivia that Jacquelyn was waiting there for her. Why, Olivia never found out. The receptionist hung up without explaining.

Both Jacquelyn’s girlfriends had known about a filling she’d needed, and that she had a dentist’s appointment that day - one she was leaving work early for.

“She joked that the hole was my fault,” Olivia told Jacques on her ride in the Snicket Taxi. “Since she’s eating more sweet things now we’re dating. Cookie?”

“I can’t say no,” Jacques said (Olivia knew). She handed him one from the several she’d packed him, then watched him frown beside her. “Why do you have to pick Jac up from a filling?”

“I honestly have no idea. The receptionist wasn’t too helpful.”

“At least you know it’s not her wisdom teeth; she had those out in her twenties. She crashed at Larry’s for a while after the surgery, and at 2am on the first night, he found her in the tree outside his place, yelling the Canadian national anthem.”

Chuckling, Olivia said, “You’re kidding, right?... No?”

Smirking, Jacques shook his head. “I teased her about it for a while. But at least her wisdom teeth are out. Of both the equation and her jaw.”

Olivia found herself agreeing.

Earlier, Jacquelyn had parked the Chevelle in front of the surgery; Jacques stopped beside it to let Olivia out, and ascend the stairs at the building’s front.

The receptionist at the counter didn’t acknowledge her, or look up when she said, “I’m Olivia Caliban; you called me to pick up Jacquelyn Scieszka?”

“She’s down there,” was her mutter, pointing toward a smaller, second waiting area close to the main hallway. She said nothing more, even when Olivia stood and waited for an explanation. 

So Olivia headed off; she found Jacquelyn lazing in a chair against the wall, like she wasn’t in a work outfit (a tweed top and pants, today). At least she’d taken off her Mulctuary Money Management badge, and thrown her leather jacket over her top. She looked up when Olivia appeared, giving her a slight smile. One that seemed… off.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Olivia murmured, as she got up, swaying a little. “Are you okay to walk out of here?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jacquelyn- she swayed again. Though she assured Olivia she could walk, her girlfriend gripped her arm anyway.

Jacquelyn made it down the steps okay; she said she could drive, too, but Olivia wasn’t letting that happen. 

When they got in the Chevelle, Olivia asked, “Why did the dentists have me pick you up from a filling, sweetheart?”

“Can I tell you later?” Jacquelyn asked, initially fumbling with her seatbelt. “It’s just. Better if I tell you later.”

Olivia didn’t see how it could be  _ better _ , but nodded. “Sure. Now how are you feeling?”

“Good, actually. This… yeah, this is good. Calm.” Jacquelyn nodded to herself, Olivia definitely agreeing on the calmness. “But I can’t stop thinking about…”

She turned to Olivia, who watched her look down. To her blouse. Making Olivia snort, and reach out to grace her chin.

“Well, I’m more than happy to help with that, when you’re feeling better.”

“And after we get food. I’m  _ starving _ .”

Olivia smiled while starting up the Chevelle. “We’ll find you something. Before that, how about we give Esmé the afternoon off?”

Friday afternoons at Goldfinch Financial were usually slow, since Esmé and her coworkers didn’t see clients after 2pm. Yes, all of Goldfinch’s employees were  _ meant  _ to schedule client meetings until close of business, but no one on Floor 6 played by the rules. I mean, do you expect  _ Esmé  _ to?

Olivia hadn’t called Goldfinch to see if Esmé  _ wanted  _ to leave early, but a feeling told her she would depart from Floor 6’s Friday shenanigans for once; she didn’t know why, exactly, but let that feeling take her up the elevator.

She heard a “For FUCK’S sake!” come from Floor 6’s break room, the door of which she knocked on. No doubt Esmé and her coworkers tensed, before Esmé saw her girlfriend’s bun through the frosted glass pane.

Esmé opened the door, her confused frown kind of adorable. “What are you here for, darling?”

“Do you want to come home early, sweetheart?”

“Yes. I do. Let me get my things.”

She brushed past her girlfriend, and made for her office, Maeve jeering “ _ What  _ a sore loser” after her.

“I’m leaving because I’ve been  _ asked  _ to,” Esmé snapped, retrieving her handbag. Olivia nudged the break room door to find a game of Scrabble on the room’s table, Maeve, Sylvie and Maeve’s male assistant surrounding it.

“It’s because you’re losing, Esmé. Admit it.”

“I’d rather drink poison.”

“Please do,” Maeve’s assistant said, his back to the doorway. Olivia went to speak before Esmé gripped her hand, flipped off her coworkers in a goodbye, and lead Olivia to the other end of the hallway.

“No one will know I’ve bailed if we take the fire escape,” she hissed, while they did just that. “Also,  _ thank  _ you, darling. I wish Jacquelyn would get me out of work this early.” Esmé checked Olivia’s watch. “Will she have her fillings by now?”

Out on the street, Olivia had parked a little ways down from Goldfinch Financial, like Jacquelyn had requested - a little hyped up, she’d insisted that parking further away would ensure Esmé’s escape went unnoticed.

Her girlfriends found her in the Chevelle’s back seat, having kicked her heels off, and slunk down the seat in a kind of ball, her face covered. They stared for a moment, then exchanged glances, before Esmé rapped on the window.

Both her girlfriends jumped when she sprung out, wielding her knife - then realised who was there.

“You never know who’s gonna get you in the spy biz,” she tried to explain, when her girlfriends got in the Chevelle. And promptly confiscated her knife. She ended up squished between them both in the front - not that she minded in her state, of course.

As Olivia pulled away from Goldfinch Financial, Esmé heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you  _ so  _ much, darlings. Maeve had brought fucking Scrabble to work and I was  _ not  _ losing another game to Eugene. Though you could have come earlier, and saved me from more embarrassm- Why did you get picked up from a  _ filling _ , Jacquelyn darling-”

Jacquelyn shushed her, holding several of her fingers to her lips. Then shushed her again. And once more. “I’ll tell you later. Like I told Olivia.”

Olivia saw Esmé frown. Hard. “And why are you acting like a lunatic?”

“Drugs. Drugs are good. Bad. But also good.”

Drugs had been Olivia’s first guess. But she didn’t understand why a filling would need more than a numbing needle to the gum, if the patient requested it. And, honestly, Jacquelyn didn’t seem the type to  _ want  _ her gum numbed. Her girlfriend was a madwoman like that.

Jacquelyn leaned back, heaving a deep sigh. Then jumped. “Hey, we’re getting food, right?”

“Yes, sweetheart. We might already have some at home, actually. What would you like?”

She thought for a moment. “Ice cream. Neapolitan ice cream.”

Ice cream was the perfect post-dental procedure snack, if you asked Olivia. “Done-”

“We ran out the other night,” Esmé recalled, making Olivia think, drat!

“It’s okay, we can go get more,” Jacquelyn said -  _ we  _ gave Olivia the impression Jacquelyn thought she was getting out of the Chevelle.

And when they parked at the nearest supermarket, and Jacquelyn undid her seatbelt and waited for Esmé to get out, Olivia hid a sigh.

“Sweetheart,” she gently said, “I think it’s best if you stay here. Esmé will stay with you-”

“Oh, I have a whole list of groceries I composed for the next time I go shopping,” Esmé said, pulling a Goldfinch Financial note from her handbag. Olivia took it from her, and slid out of the Chevelle before her girlfriends could protest.

Inside the supermarket, Olivia grabbed a basket, inspecting Esmé’s list. And immediately winced, since not only was it written in a barely understandable scribble, Esmé hadn’t noted the brands of the things she wanted; brands were crucial with Esmé, who had her favourites and would refuse or ignore anything different Olivia brought home. Olivia had tried her hardest to keep track of what she liked, but in the bustle of the supermarket, without the names on the list, things’ different packages all became one. And that never felt nice - not just being overwhelmed, but failing to give her girlfriend what she wanted. (Of course Olivia never minded if Esmé told her which brands to buy!)

With the basket under her arm, Olivia made to grab the ice cream, first and foremost. She understood a few things on Esmé’s list, so she figured she’d get those and give the list back-

Something was tossed into the basket.

Olivia turned to find Jacquelyn behind her, smirking a little. Now she was close enough for Olivia to see the strange look in her eyes. (She tried hard to hide the fact that it was kind of amusing her.)

“Why are you in here?” Olivia carefully asked, kind of wishing she’d locked her girlfriends in the Chevelle. 

“Thought you might need help with Esmé’s list. And I’m bored. I could also use-”

Jacquelyn put her hand on Olivia’s blouse. Right where you’re thinking. Since the aisle was empty, Olivia heaved a sigh, deciding it might as well stay there.

“And where’s Esmé?”

Esmé appeared down the other side of the aisle, taking several deep breaths like she’d travelled from halfway across the City.

“I tried… to stop her… darling… too fast,” she panted- “ _ Jacquelyn _ , in public?”

“Who are you, a cop?” Jacquelyn joked, or at least she might have been (??), as Esmé approached her girlfriends. Jacquelyn was still… holding Olivia.

Grinning, Esmé went to commend- oh, Jacquelyn detached herself and was gone, since Olivia hadn’t thought to hold her still. Travelling, kind of staggering, to the end of the aisle, her girlfriends watched her make for the ice cream section on the freezer wall.

“I already have ice cream-”

“I want more.” Jacquelyn opened the fridge, retrieving the exact same neopolitan container, then sassed, “Problem?”

Yes. Problem. Problems plural. “Put it back, and come back here-“

“Oh, she’s being nice and defiant, isn’t she?” Esmé muttered, as Jacquelyn set off down the confectionary aisle.

“Jacquelyn, please - No, you’ve had a filling done!”

“They’re for  _ later _ ,” Jacquelyn said, pulling two jolly rancher packets off a rack. “So’s the pork crackling.”

Esmé looked into the basket and muttered something about high society and a wild animal’s appetite.

“Okay, that’s enough-”

“And I want juice. And I ran out of Candian Club. Also, I want-”

“Time for you to go back to the car, Jacquelyn,” Olivia stated, as firmly as she could. “Right now. Go on.”

The way Jacquelyn’s face fell made Olivia feel terrible. “But we’re shoppin’ together. As girlfriends. C’mon, babe-”

“I know, sweetheart, but another time, okay?” Olivia murmured. “Now, let me take these, and you can head back outside.”

Jacquelyn reluctantly handed the ice cream and packets to her, taking the Chevelle’s keys. “Orange juice too, okay?”

Esmé didn’t follow Jacquelyn out (though Olivia wanted her to, and tried to ask her to, twice). She put back the extra ice cream container, going one way around the supermarket with half her list; Olivia handled the other and the orange juice.

Just when she was finished, Esmé popped up beside her, and clung to her other arm, hissing, “We’re leaving. Or I’ll be caught skipping work.”

“Are you finished?”

“No, but too bad. Now, quick, darling-”

“Yes, yes, okay-”

The  _ last  _ thing Esmé needed was someone from Goldfinch, whoever it was she’d seen, finding out she’d escaped early. So they went through the checkout - Olivia had to stop Esmé verbally whipping the young cashier into motion - and hurried out of the supermarket.

Outside, Esmé sighed, “Oh, that was  _ far  _ too close-  _ What  _ is she doing?!”

Jacquelyn was sitting in the Chevelle (thank goodness). Wearing her wayfarers, her heels on the dash, with the windows down. Hard rock was blasting so loudly from the stereo, Olivia swore the Chevelle was jolting with the drum beat. Esmé grimaced when they weren’t even close to it.

“Do you  _ mind _ ?” she snapped, upon them reaching it. “I’m trying to leave in secret here!”

At that, Jacquelyn turned it down, and reached over to start up the Chevelle; Olivia felt relief when she slid out of the driver’s seat. Her girlfriends got in, and Olivia punched it - well, not like Jacquelyn could.

Upon the three going up 667 Dark Avenue’s elevator, Jacquelyn began to come down from her hype wave. Olivia saw her lean against the elevator wall, to keep her head up; she placed the grocery bags she’d insisted on carrying on the floor. Olivia laid a hand on her back while leading her into the Penthouse, Esmé carrying the groceries.

The three then retired to the main living room’s couch, with a bowl of ice cream each, and Jacquelyn in between her girlfriends.

“How are you feeling now, sweetheart?” Olivia asked her.

“Good. Still good. But I think it’s wearin’ off.”

Esmé made a start on the sprinkles completely covering her ice cream (Far too much sugar, but Olivia said nothing). Then she asked, “ _ Now _ will you tell us why you’ve been sent wild by a filling, darling?”

“Funny story,” she said. “I had this trainee dentist working on my filling, and the dentist helping her asked if I’d have some anaesthetic, so she could practice administering it; the dentist’s seen me box before but I was the… what did she say? Calmest on her list today? The trainee had seen big men all day. Somethin’ like that. So I said yes I’d let her do it.”

“That’s nice of you, sweetheart,” Olivia murmured.

Esmé had been frowning from the start. “First of all, had I been told I was seeing another dentist, I would have walked out immediately. And second, but I wouldn’t have let some clueless amateur touch  _ one  _ of my teeth, let alone give me anaesthetic.”

“Oh, I just chilled out thinkin’ of your tongue and Olivia’s chest for half an hour. (Her girlfriends snorted.) “It was no big deal. Not the worst dental procedure I’ve had.”

“Not like your wisdom teeth?” Olivia couldn’t help but tease.

Jacquelyn frowned slightly. “Jacques told you about that, didn’t he?”

“He did, yes.”

Olivia chuckled as she grimaced, then heaved a sigh, perhaps knowing that was bound to happen eventually.

“Of course he did. But yeah. That’s why.”

“What happened with your wisdom teeth?” Esmé asked.

Jacquelyn couldn’t look at Esmé while she told her. And Olivia felt embarrassed herself when Esmé began to laugh.

“Oh, darling, you don’t have much luck with your teeth, do you?”

“Nope. See this tooth here?” Jacquelyn asked, lifting her top lip and pointing two teeth from behind her canines.

“It looks fine to me,” Esmé said, Olivia nodding.

“Fake. Lost the real one in a boxing match. I wanted a gold one, but when she heard about it, Mama said no. Something about reputations and whatever. And I didn’t even live in Winnipeg at the time.”

Esmé remained slackjawed for a good moment. (Which I for one know is honestly hypocritical of her. That’s another story.)

“At least you’re feeling better now, sweetheart,” Olivia said. She wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Yeah, I am. And thank you, babes, for helping me out.”

“That’s what we’re here for, sweetheart.”

“We can help more, if you want us to, darling,” Esmé added, Olivia sensing trouble. (Only good trouble.) “Do you still feel handsy?” 

Olivia laughed, and Jacquelyn grinned, wide.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i remembered that i wanted to formally "introduce" Jacques and Larry through like an intro story on my second last reread of this


End file.
